Sharing vs Bragging (Shagging?)
I moved to Tahoe after college at the height of the backlash against trying hard. Beige, black, and earth tones were in; wearing bright green, aka “sponsor-me green,” meant you were looking for attention, which was out. There was an entire crew of snowboarders who slinked around the mountain in head-to-toe denim, the longer, greasier hair the better, who were referred to as “hesh.”
Skiers by definition were try-hard; snowboarders gave zero Fs and were therefore much cooler. The coolest skiers on the mountain (if there even was such a thing) were the ones who skied harder than everyone else but weren’t sponsored and did it for themselves, sometimes wearing denim. Not only that, but they never talked about which lines they skied. They let their tracks—and their friends—talk for them.
Right around 2010 Instagram got bought by Facebook, and the algorithm swept in and changed all that. In an instant, the ski industry went from the traditional media model of ski magazines, movies, and photogs and friends sharing photos of their friends, to check-me-out-bro-I’m-ripping! Selfies, POV, and an Insta feed that was no longer populated with photos that one took, but rather pics of oneself—only the most flattering ones.
Not gonna lie: it’s been a rough transition for me. During the first part of my career, I competed or filmed for ski movies or shot photos with photographers and the results, the film, or the photos spoke for me. Yes, it was an attention-seeking job, but having come up in the era when talking about oneself was gauche, it still somehow worked. Much like Ken, whose only job is beach, my only job was ski!
Now, under the social media model, my job is to ski and also promote “my brand.” Since it was ingrained in me that self-promotion is bragging and that bragging isn’t cool, as the industry has changed I’ve struggled with how to share in a way that feels natural and not braggadocious.
Even the hesh kids have managed to figure out how to post about themselves, though, so even though I’m a millennial mom who clearly is having trouble wrapping my mind around why showing fit pics is somehow okay but showing your toes is somehow not okay these days, I figure it’s time to stop complaining and start bragging! Er, self-promoting.
Luckily, some guidance came along recently in the form of navigating this very same issue with my kids. Often this past school year, one kid or the other would come home upset, saying that so-and-so was bragging about how they ran the most laps at the jog-a-thon, or that someone else had told them to stop bragging about their reading abilities. Another time, when a kid was excitedly sharing about learning a new ski trick, another parent asked them in a slightly scolding tone “Are you bragging?” Clearly, I wasn’t the only person having issues discerning the fine line between bragging and sharing proudly (shagging?). Over several discussions, my kids and I settled on a clear definition of bragging that helps guide us, and helps me when considering how to show up online. Here’s what we have so far:
Bragging is when you talk about yourself in relation to others: “I’m the best skier on the mountain,” or “I’m the best reader in my class.”
Proud sharing is when you say facts or feelings about your own accomplishments or abilities, without relating it to others: “I skied Seventh Heaven for the first time today!” or, “I’ve been enjoying reading chapter books lately.”
This lets the sharer be psyched about something and the hearer hopefully can hear that excitement and celebrate it, while also reinforcing that what matters is ones’ own efforts and accomplishments, not how they stack up against others.
After all, to be able to get jobs and opportunities, it’s necessary to feel emboldened to talk accurately and share proudly about one’s talents and achievements. It’s an important life skill, one that I’m working to re-program while learning alongside my kids.
I might not be great at selfies yet, or fit pics, but I do love rocking socks with sandals, so I think that’s a start.
And as always, I’d love to hear any and all thoughts that you may have!
A few links for this week:
This New Yorker article about women who came forward during the #MeToo movement has been haunting me. It’s disturbing reading, perhaps not holiday weekend material, but I will leave it here if/when you want to dig in.
If you’ve read my blog at all, you know I’m an absolute nut about core and pelvic floor fitness, for women, men and everyone! Glad to see that the world is catching up, LOL. (NYT, unlocked article.)
It wouldn’t be Independence Day without this iconic Jennifer Coolidge clip from Legally Blonde. Makes me want a hot dog real bad! Also, those sunglasses!! (link to Youtube clip).
Thanks for reading & happy 4th!
Ingrid
